Radio Control Kitten
My 3 1/2 year old doesn’t listen!?
He does it just recenty and it’s really annoying. He delliberatly doesn’t listen to anything I ask him to do or not do. He’s trying to see how much he can get away with but he’s really enjoying making me stressed out. I can see the pleasure on his face after doing bad things, he stuck our kitten in the bath tub! He messes up my house just for the fun of it, He lies and he runs way ahead of me after I’ve told him over & over to wait for me because it worries me.He rides his bike too fast, runs too fast and trys to control everything even the radio in the car! he’s 3! Overly opinionated, and argumentive, but I love him, How do I discipline him, when I tried time-out he got worse everyday.
If you gave up on time out, it sounds like you were letting him discipline you. You gave him a time out, he acted out in revenge, and you altered your behavior (stopping the time outs). Naturally, he thinks he can control the car radio if he can discipline you so easily.
This is how you do a time out:
1) Make a request,
2) If he does not immediately comply, say, “If you don’t [do ___ ] right now, you are going to have to sit in that chair for four minutes.” (Three minutes is the normal period for that age, but something about your son makes me think it should jump to four. Use whichever one you like.)
3) If he complies, great. Thank him. If not, place him in the chair, saying, “I asked you to [do __ ] and you didn’t listen, so now you have to sit in this chair for four minutes. If you get up, the time starts again.” Stay near enough to notice out of the corner of your eye if he gets up, and monitor a clock. Don’t spend much time looking directly at him, and don’t speak to him, during the time out. Busy yourself with a magazine, or some minor task, nearby.
4) If he gets up, tell him the time is starting again and put him back. Start the four (or three if that is what you chose) minutes again. Repeat as many times as necessary. Even if you do this 50 times, it’s okay.
5) After the time is over, tell him, “I put you in a time out because you didn’t [do ___ ] when I asked.” If it is something that can still be corrected, have him correct it. If not, tell him that you expect him to listen next time. (If he refuses to correct the situation, make him stay in the chair until he is ready to do so. If the situation is correctable, the first thing he must do upon getting up is correct it to your specifications.)
6) End the whole matter, and try to enjoy the rest of your day together. Avoid mentioning the misdeed if possible.
There are other discipline methods. The other two that are often recommended are natural consequences and logical consequences. Natural consequences are when an act punishes itself. The only problems with natural consequences are that sometimes, they are too extreme to be desirable (i.e., the consequence of riding a bike too fast near the street), and other times, they aren’t punishments for the child. In fact, in a case like grabbing a handful of candy, the consequence is exactly what he wants.
Logical consequences typically consist of loss of privileges. For example, if he runs too fast when you are walking together, he can be forced to hold your hand for the duration of the trip. If he vandalizes the walls with art supplies, he can be made to help with clean up AND also lose his art supplies for a week. The idea behind logical consequences is that privileges must be earned.
All of these methods can be useful, but for a three and a half year old, mastering the time out is absolutely indispensable. If you take nothing else away from this, at least take the proper time out procedure, and use it.
Good luck!
Further reading if you are interested:
http://www.amazon.com/Setting-Limits-Your-Strong-Willed-Child/dp/0761521364
http://www.amazon.com/Supernanny-How-Best-Your-Children/dp/1401308104/ref=ntt_at_ep_dpi_1
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